Posts

The newly found ad

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As we know I've been feeling down since few days but today after watching an ad on YouTube,the app which kills my motivation usually and steals a lot of time from my life , which I've been myself set on a path of de-addiction from , but occasionally have cheat breaks . Well that sentence wasn't expected to be that long . Yea , let's come back to the ad , where a boy stuck in a very unhealthy culture and setup ,wanting to fly like a robin he notices near his window and tries to lift himself up each time but things weigh him down . And he feels alone the persuaded path , still getting obsessed with it. He finally looses his baggage and him be able to fly infront of everyone who's been mocking him for being different. Just like the boy, me and may be all of u who keep reading this felt that we are way different and want very different things in life than the usual. People have called me crazy for firing my instincts and for being me , numerous times . And on the long r...
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The One big wall

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I thought I could grab back my will to live after scribbling all those words yesterday and what the hell, recovery from failure is damn painfull and not at all easy . Accepting the fact that one is not special. Accepting that may be one can't be very successful as they've been expecting themselves to be comparing to others . I know I've put very minimal work since medical school and I'm continuing to do so and still expecting tremendous magical success and feeling deeply hurt when I don't achieve the same. How ridiculous is that? If someone else is telling me the same story I'll be all advising and motivating them to work hard and why can't I do that myself.  Because work is hard it requires bravery, but the cowardness I embodies doesn't own the strength to witness failure and just because of that I'm not even trying. To start to maintain and to handle disappointment to fall and get up back again requires the most amount of strength. I envy people wi...
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The four walls

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It's midnight . And I'm in the prime of life looking at the fan running . With a sore gluteus maximus from sitting too long in my chair with almost zero productivity or social contribution. Thinking about the emptiness there is , inside the mind and like they say the heart and inside this hostel room and these four walls which feels like a prison. Had an exam yesterday which drained the confidence I had piled up even if it's pseudo to begin with . I'm so confused about life as well as my next step . Ofcourse I'm glad I grew up and I am not feeling bad about growing up but this comes with so much responsibility. Doesn't it? I'm fed up explaining myself and finding excuses for the dissatisfaction I'm creating in the immediate world around me. Repetition does cause boredom and obviously people get fed up hearing them again and again and it doesn't count anymore. The amount of unfortunate things happened in my life doesn't help me in this excuse maki...
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